The beginning is the end is the beginning...

I did it.

I finally did it!

I found something to do... A creative outlet to keep me from going insane... A way to keep people from un-friending me on facebook for flooding their news feeds with endless baby pictures...

I started a blog.

I figured "How hard could it be"? A movie reference here, a song lyric there, and some photos in between. And if I could get through it with a little humour, then I'd be laughing! (I'm so sorry... I put that in purely for my husband's benefit, AKA the king of puns and ‘dad jokes’. Please don't judge my blog on this terrible joke!).

So I sat down and thought "What am I going to write about? I'm not a particularly interesting person, and there are so many other blogs out there already." Then I remembered (or more accurately ‘realised’. Like I ever forget...) that I have an almost-8-week old son. I could write about him! But he doesn't do much yet. Just sleep, eat, poop and cry… And laugh, kick, squint, fart, burp, murmur… I suppose he does keep me pretty entertained. Then I thought about how only a week ago he DIDN’T laugh, and 2 weeks ago he DIDN'T smile, and that already time was flying by so fast! I realised I was already starting to forget the story of the day he was born, and various things to do with the pregnancy, and even details of how little Xander Panda came to be! So I decided, while the motivation was there, I had to get started right away!

I opened my laptop and kinda stared at it for a while. Where do I start? Then I started writing the stuff above. I stopped when I got to this line, and stared at it for another long while… I had asked myself how hard it could be? I think I am getting my answer.

Now, where was I? Oh, right… So I wanted to write about Xander’s conception (not the gory details), what happened while I was pregnant with him, and how his birth went. So I started brainstorming the events that I wanted to share. But for each event I listed, I remembered the complications. For the first time, I realised that I was not just a whinger, but my pregnancy was really hard! I was pretty down on myself throughout the whole thing. I never experienced the whole “I am with child so everything is right with the world” kinda joy. Although people always told me I looked “really well” and “barely even looked like I was pregnant”, there was always some kind of hell going on behind the curtain.

So then I decided it would be about the problems I had during pregnancy and birth… But that would be pretty depressing and who would want to read it???

So then I decided it would NOT be about my problems, but instead about only the good things that happened… But that would not really be telling the whole truth about the reality of motherhood and how all these things never turn out quite the way you expect!!!

My head is a confusing place sometimes…

So then… I was back to not knowing what it would be about!

* * *

So here I am, 6 weeks later… Xander is 14 weeks tomorrow! My, how time flies…

I had disappointed myself. I quit the blog before I even started. All because I was so focused on what I wanted it to be about that I didn't actually get to the “writing” part. I realised this morning that it should be about all of the things I listed. The good, the bad, and the ugly. My experiences, my opinions, my choices. And hopefully, one day soon, I will get around to writing out Xander’s birth story. But my main goal with the blog is not to be judgemental. I want to use it to pass on things as I learn them. I want anyone who reads it to feel like they are welcome here, no matter their beliefs or practices. Because I believe that parenting is hard enough without people telling you that you are doing something wrong all the time. Parents should stick together! Otherwise, the children will unite, form a rebellion and rise up against us… Oh, wait… That’s already happened, hasn't it? I still have a little time before Xander joins, right?

So that’s what this is all about, in a nutshell. A huge nutshell. “Help! I'm in a nutshell! How did I get into this nutshell? Look at the size of this bloody great big nutshell! What sort of shell has a nut like this?”. Sorry, couldn't resist! Kinda like a patchwork quilt, of sorts. I would love to make a real one, but I can't sew, so this will have to do. But hopefully, my posts are sewn together better than my quilt would be!

Uh Oh! I smell poop!

So with that, I leave you with a picture of the boy who motivated me to do this, giving his best “Blue Steel” look ;) Love his face!